Hidden, random and thoughtless thought 난 생각이 너무 많아

by - 12:41:00 AM




Hi hello Assalamualaikum ^^


It's been 2 weeks++ since I resumed my study back into Semester 2 here and... what I gotta say is, it's starting to get busy and busy here and yeah... too busy until I can't have a room to daydream like I used to do like when I'm home anymore hewhew. And I didn't guarantee what I expect from this first second week here about getting busy 24/7 is true for everytime though... I believe there will be some free times for us along the way but, well, those free time is of course will be beneficial for me to be lazy lol. Okay not all the time I'm being lazy okay *coverline*


Listed here, not based on chronological order, are the thoughts that keep playing, repeating, and buzzing like bees inside my head, all these days, and here is the real purpose of this entry, to vomit it before it accumulated inside and overwhelm me.


1. Introverted extrovert

Being out of my home and being thrown again in the crowds somewhat pushes me to become more talkative and responsive everytime I'm engaged in some conversation though... it's a good thing. At home, I didn't talk much and sleep more (hehehe) and since I'm a somewhat introvert, I enjoyed my solitary time as much as I do enjoy reading books that are increasing ' magically ' on my book rack. Now here I am, still need to do a lot of reading but at the same time, I need to present and discussing it in classroom. There will be the times, very rare times, when the mood, and the feel, really, really comes, that I become somewhat an extrovert, a typical extrovert actually, emitting those kind of energy that they have, but only to a certain extend until I become tired and decline again.


2. Beginning of torture




This sem only, I can picture a lot of presentations that I need to do. And you know how loathe I am towards presentation, (no matter how frequent and how used to me this thing is) not because I'm suck at it or what, but because it requires a lot of my time and energy. God knows how I want my presentations to be perfect and flawless, and how much thought I had before presentations, like how to deliver the message to the audience well, how to make other people see and understand what I'm really, really thinking, but in the end I ended up disappointed because I didn't do really well as I was expecting. Gotta admit I put a lot of pressure on myself.


That's why I envy those who has that natural ability to communicate and still being effortlessly good.


And I need to develop my confidence more and more.


And you can laugh at the fact that people like me are assigned some leadership roles. I am a secretary in my special interest group. And I am a CEO of my group in Fundamental of Entrepreneurship class.


I got a headache too when I was informed about those position that I am having. Not that I didn't want it, I am honored, very, very honored to get that position (who doesn't? tell me tell me) but to me, leader is a very crucial role. What with leading a group and making critical decisions. That's not an easy task even for a small group (at least, from the perspective of perfectionist like me).


Of course there's a time when I feel responsible for something, but with my confidence issues here, I don't know. Some people see that I have the potential, and the problem is me. I don't know, maybe this is the time for me to learn?


Oh, well, I am overthinking and making a big fuss over nothing again. Please forgive me.


3. Foreign language elective class




I've been dreaming of taking either basic Japanese or Korean class as my elective class this sem, but it seems like my dream are still staying as a dream again *sigh*


First, as we registered our courses online, I found out that both Basic Japanese I and Basic Korean I are full, so I couldn't join anymore. 


Second, my timetable for this sem is somewhat hectic and I want to avoid any clashes in my class at any cost.


Third, I came up with a solution. I will learn a bit Korean by myself first (I can read Hangul though, maybe learning a bit more vocabulary?) before attempting to take this course for upcoming semesters. Sounds promising, right? Yes, absolutely.


this is how my timetable looks like for this sem


4. Head Over Heart

Since I'm developing a story that consists of characters that are more inclined to logic than their feeling, (and as a geek for MBTI types, of course I've done a lot of ' research ' about psychology, and I'm still contemplating why I'm taking Computer Science instead of Psychology, well, nevermind), I can't help but developing logical skills myself too.


These days, I seem a lot calmer (I think people keep telling me that since high school too, like I sort of having no ' feeling ' whatsoever) and I started to take matters less personal. I started to think about pros and cons before pursuing something, instead of just jump into it. That's where I think that I might have just become more of a 'logical feeler'?


5. Chasing the ultimate goal of life

Since I have joined 'usrah' or another cute alternative name is 'happiness circle / bulatan gembira' and learnt a lot from the sisters, mainly about our real purpose of life, I am determined to improving myself, spiritually. To fill my soul with something more beneficial than what the mortal world served us. To get closer to the Creator itself. Though the changes is gradually, as long as I make the progress, then it's good.


Daurah @ Port Dickson


So, that's all for today. Adios!



best wishes, 

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1 comments

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